i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
