After last night, I could never be a politician.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
