marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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