How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
