well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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