I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
