Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
