so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
