Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
