I'm gonna have a badass scar
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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