You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
