I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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