No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
