Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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