he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
