thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
