i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
