these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
