I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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