i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
