this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So much rum. So many feels.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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