so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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