So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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