My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
