are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
