Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
