She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
