I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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