What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
