Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i out mim tonsoeep
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