Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
