White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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