Already got asked if we're dating
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
