Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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