its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
