Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think your dad took our porno
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
