I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
