similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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