I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
