You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
