she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
