I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
