If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
