Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
