smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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