Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
