So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
