Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
