Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
