So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
