please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
